Lately, i've been hearing stories from individuals talking about how someone has led them on. It led me here, obviously, but im gonna try to go a little bit deeper than expressing the emotions of being led on, getting your hopes up and having them dashed immediately and pretty much from out of nowhere.
For those who have been strung along, I have the impression that the best defense to that is to be defensive. Alot of people I know have acted in this way. Its always hard to understand why this person has given you false hope and then when you go to take things a little bit further, they back off by telling you in their own sort of way, im not that into you. So to combat those feelings being hurt, some tend to dispise that person that has led them astray. Being bitter helps no one. Just know that person made the mistake and you will be better off for it.
To be the one doing the stringing along, its not always about just out to play someone. Maybe that person is stringing you along cause they dont wanna hurt you. I have had the pleasure in getting some insight from an associate of mine who tends to lead all his girls on. He says theyre stupid and deserve what they get. In a weird and coincidental act of karma, he got led on by a female that he was really into and his world is shattered. I just thought i'd share that. I also spoke to a friend who said she grew apart from the guy she was dealing with and didn't wanna be the one to crush his heart. Thats nice, but it also isn't helpful. You should be free mentally without fear of hurting someone to explore whatever makes you happy. Just always remember the 80/20 rule (if i have to explain it, its not for you to understand)
Sadly, we all have done it in some point. It may not have been in a relationship or someone you were physically attracted to but the point remains, sometimes you have to butter someone up to get what you want (once again, if it doesn't apply, let it fly). Sometimes stringing someone along can be a good thing to benefit you. Its never a good thing for the other party, it can only be not that bad.
The thing about getting strung along that i think affects most people is the fact that afterward, we said "I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER". This may be true but the heart wants what the heart wants at the time. That at the time may be extended for a lifetime, or it may just be for this time right, right now!
Its not fair to keep someone as a fall back option. Some people that lead people on, lead them on for that exact reason. You may have a fear of being alone or you may be nostalgic and think of a former lover, but dont make plans with that person just cause youre tired of coming home to an empty apartment. Make sure you assess that person is right for you and exactly what you want.
At the end of the day, if someone is being led on or is leading someone on, there is a lack of communication. Either its on purpose or by accident, but its still there. Some people are non confrontational and have no desire to approach those issues. They can build up and cause scarring emotional pain the likes no one would like to experience.
I've been there...
I'm sure you have too!
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I really enjoyed reading this because I can relate to being lead on. I was bitter and grew hostile toward him for awhile until I one day realized no one was the blame but me. Because he told me without actually telling me that in fact he wasn't that into me. But he and I didn't communicate well at all. This is a great blog and I plan to share it with a few other friends who can also relate.
ReplyDeleteI've been there... dealing with that now. No, I have no real insight to offer. Thanks for the write up though!
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with u, with the heart wanting what it wants at the time. Sometimes your happy for the moment even if u may know that ultimately the relationship u have isn't going anywhere or rather in the direction u hoped, u still don't want to give it up because u are enjoying it for what it is now and hoping things will change. hoping that there is something you can do to make that person really wanna be with you in the long run. I've been on both ends of the rope. The one doing the stringing and the one being strung. I never meant hurt anyone. I guess I felt I was straight forward in my intentions but the ones who thought they could change me from the "I'm not the love you" type to "I'm head over heels for you" type failed and they wanted someone to blame. I never realized how bad it really felt to be strung along until I actually cared about the person I was with. In all honestly I don't think he did it intentionally. I think he was enjoying himself for what we had and wasn't the type to think of the future too heavy. The reason it hurt me was because I wanted so much more from US than he did. I guess to be strung along is just an imbalance of feelings in a relationship. One person feels obligated/connected to the other while that other hasn't quite obligated them-self fully. You do look back and say you should have known and realistically u probably did. When he/she didn't answer your phone calls or return your messages and always had the same lame excuse or when u talk about future events you hope to share and that person didn't reciprocate your excitement. Every time u felt a way and had a feeling shit wasn't right. Guess what that's when u knew.
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